Fatal Flaws Read online

  It was a while after we started hanging out on a regular basis when I began to notice that Hank was increasingly unsatisfied playing the comedic sidekick role. It was like watching Dustin Hoffman or Anthony Hopkins trying to play the part of a supporting actor—it just wasn’t in their wheelhouse, just as it wasn’t in Hank’s to play second fiddle to someone who would detract from his own center stage presence He wanted more and more to demonstrate to anyone who would listen how fun loving and humorous he was. Unfortunately for him and his self-conceit, his actual performance was often pathetic, bordering on pitiful.

  During the early years of our friendship, for instance, Hank was telling me and Mandy about the time he took his family to the movies, where they watched The Grinch, starring Jim Carrey. As he told his story, he was doing impersonations of the film’s main character and getting increasingly silly. He went so far as to describe how he was laughing so hard that he laughed himself out of his chair (literally, not figuratively) and was ‘rolling in the aisles’ as he cracked up at the movie. This man was 35-ish with a medical degree, not a twelve-year-old dipshit trying to impress his friends by creating a scene in public. Mandy and I just looked at each other, both understanding that he was just trying to compensate for his lack of ability when it came to being the ‘funny guy’ and life of the party that he could never be. Of course, I thought this aspect of his personality was more than a little bit lame, but I’ve always been one to focus more on the attributes of my friends, rather than their frailties. Besides, I can readily admit that my own ego would probably be threatened if my best friend shared my comedic prowess.

  Now, I enjoy a good joke as much as the next guy, and even have a small collection of ‘best jokes’ that I carry around in my head in the event of an appropriate opportunity when a classic comedic gem can be shared. I’m talking about a small handful of hilarious gags which are worth repeating and which continue to tickle my funny bone, even after hearing them told many times (by myself). I do not, however, enjoy being around people who always have a memorized knee-slapper to tell and who equate the ability to recount a canned joke with being a comedic genius. As Hank spent more time around me and saw how people reacted to my quips and my use of sarcasm and irony, I could see him becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Being the attention seeker he was, he seemed to resent the positive reactions I sometimes got from a witticism, which, as any smart-ass knows, is not a guaranteed reaction.

  To combat his self-perceived lack of comical prowess and the attention this deprived him of, he began spending more time and effort striving to become Mr. Hilarious. He even subscribed to an internet app that provided a ‘joke of the day,’ so he could recite his newest comedic pearl, having various susceptible hospital staffers fawn over him and tell him how incredibly witty he was.

  The more I got to know Hank, the more I came to see how hard he would work, trying to impress people in just about any way he could, and how personally he took it when someone else got the slightest amount of attention. Instead of seeing how truly humorous people have an innate ability to be clever and witty, he felt like as long as people were giving him attention preferentially, he must be more popular than the people who unknowingly made him feel insecure. I’m not sure about the roots of his insecurity, but he certainly felt he had to be everything to everyone. I sometimes felt like, despite the good times we had shared, I had too much insight into Hank’s shortcomings, and was aware there were seeds of incompatibility starting to germinate in the soil of our relationship. On the other hand, I usually felt his strengths outweighed his weaknesses. When I assessed him as a whole, I generally concluded his annoying personality traits were worth overlooking and, overall, he was still good friend material. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, so I try not to look back on the early days our friendship and torture myself about missing the warning signs he would one day betray me. Just as we have no way to know what noxious weeds are currently taking root in the soil beneath our gardens and lawns, I had no way of knowing those seeds of incompatibility would someday grow into unsightly and destructive nettles which would choke out our brotherly love, propagating a robust crop of antipathy and contempt in its place.

  *****

  If Hank had only been compelled to be the biggest entertainer in the room, he would not have been nearly as self-destructive. Some compulsions are helpful. I doubt any Olympic champions could have achieved their heights of perfection without being compulsive about their events. Growing up, I suspect Michael Phelps spent more time in the water than out. I’m quite sure Lance Armstrong logs more distance on his bicycle than most Americans do in their cars. Not to mention my personal hero, Dave Grohl, who could not have become the rock and roll superstar drummer for Nirvana and then front man to the Foo Fighters if he wasn’t compulsive about music. These compulsions inspire people to develop the intense focus required to commit to the repetitive practice it takes to be the best at something. Because of my understanding and appreciation for what it takes to excel in life, I could never fault Hank for his drive to outshine the competition, or his desire to continually better himself.

  However, when individuals are compelled to be the winners in all of the imaginary contests around them, it becomes pathological. Hank Simmons wanted to have the coolest cars, the most money, and the most perfect family. He wanted to let people know he had the most fun by going to the most concerts and sports events, going on the most awesome traveling adventures and by going to the most titty bars—after the ‘best Mormon’ phase—while he stayed out the latest and partied the hardest. He had to be the strongest and have the best physique. His compulsion to be the best would become Hank’s fatal flaw and would, ultimately, destroy him. Unfortunately, I would eventually become the collateral damage of his self-destruction.

  Why would anyone choose to hang around with such an egotistical dickhead? Well, it usually takes a while to see what is really going on with a guy like Hank. At first, this type of person seems like they are taking the bull by the horns and living life to the fullest. Riding shotgun alongside a guy like this can be a lot of fun. When you are the best buddy and first mate to a Hank Simmons, you can easily end up riding his coattails and getting caught up in the fun and excitement. You don’t initially perceive his underlying goal—subconscious as it may be for him—is to make you a loser along with the rest of the world so he can maintain his place atop his perceived list of winners. I think I may have been the most important person in Hank’s life for many years. We had a lot of great times together and we accomplished things I could have never accomplished without him, and vice versa. But, ultimately, my biggest role in Hank’s life turned out to be about helping maintain the egocentrism and narcissism which fueled his engine as he cruised down the highway of life. My final role, however, would be something different altogether.

  It may be difficult to understand how —as I lay out my story along a relatively linear timeline—I chose Hank as my best friend and, eventually, put my ultimate trust in him to assist me in the most difficult and terrible task I ever undertook. Per my description of him, he seems conflicted, consumed with repressed insecurity, and susceptible to corruption. In reality, however, it was difficult to recognize his fallibility or folly in real time. He was a genius at determining what his friends wanted him to be, and, despite his silly awkwardness from time to time, he was brave and adventurous in ways that inspired and dared his colleagues to attempt to keep up with him. In addition, Hank was a man to be reckoned with in his professional and business relationships. His myriad successes were an inspiration to those of us who needed mentorship while we tried to develop our own economic prowess, so we might enjoy the financial security which his accomplishments had provided for him. Looking back on my own life, for instance, I know Hank’s influence led me to some of the worst experiences I could have ever endured. On the other hand, he was my closest companion during many of my most challenging and gratifying life experiences, and I truly believe his influence has helped me to be more self-suff
icient as a human being. Suffice it to say, from the time I met him, I was always more than a little conflicted about my best buddy, Hank. Over the course of my life, this, perhaps, has been my own worst fatal flaw.

  Chapter 9

  After his final year of residency, Hank was recruited by an anesthesia practice in Paris, Texas. Situated in the northeast corner of the state, Paris had a thriving local economy based heavily on healthcare. Though a relatively small and isolated city, Paris is the Lamar County seat and the medical community serves a large rural population extending into southeastern Oklahoma. As Hank researched the area in order to see if it would be a good fit for him and his family, he discovered it had just been designated as the ‘Best small town in Texas’ by a publication that studied and rated small towns and cities throughout the nation.

  Hank knew he wanted to stay in Texas, but he had no interest in staying in Fort Worth. The four years he had spent at John Peter Smith Hospital had convinced him he didn’t want to practice medicine in a large city and he definitely didn’t want to raise his family in an urban setting. He was strongly attracted to smaller towns, but he knew he needed to find one with a relatively vibrant economic environment.

  As he reviewed the number of hospital admissions and surgical cases at Paris Regional Hospital, he could see both of these statistics indicated steady growth. Likewise, as he investigated the regional medical payer mix, which reflects relative prevalence of insured patients compared to the uninsured and those dependent on government assistance for healthcare coverage, he found Lamar County compared favorably to other areas of Texas. He decided to take the position.

  Initially I teased Hank about wanting to live in an area so close to Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Louisiana—an area known as the Ark La Tex. My opinion had been skewed by the fact that these three states were not exactly known for their emphasis on education. In fact, all three can be found on the list of the ten least educated states. Prior to Hank moving his family to Paris, my own ignorance would have led me to the conclusion it was a backward, podunk town founded by cretins who weren’t even creative enough to come up with an original name. I was pleased, however, to find Paris was an economically vibrant and growing city, and I was happy for the Simmons family that Hank had landed himself a good anesthesia position in such a thriving town, where they (and my own family, by extension) had many potential activities to engage in during our increasingly frequent visits with them.

  My second year of residency allowed for more family time. Although Fort Worth, and nearby Dallas, offered many recreational options, most of them were too expensive for us to indulge in on my resident’s salary. Our family of five often felt a bit suffocated in our small three-bedroom rental house. Because we had been forced, economically, to find a home in a relatively seedy area of town where the rents were low, Mandy and I were not comfortable having the kids play outside alone. We definitely were apprehensive about letting them go to the park that was less than two blocks away from our humble abode. Being cooped up in our house for entire weekends left us all feeling a bit stir crazy, so we began to crave outdoor amusements in a fun, but safer setting. Since our best friends had moved into a spacious and luxurious house in their new city, we had somewhere to escape to, and Hank and his family were always anxious to see us at their doorway.

  There were many opportunities for our families to spend weekends together at the Simmons’ home in Paris. During this time, Hank and I developed an increasing appreciation for outdoor activities that included canoeing the Mountain Fork River in southeastern Oklahoma; riding ATV’s in the limitless trails of east Texas and southwest Arkansas, and jet skiing and boating in the refreshing and picturesque lakes of the Ark La Tex region. Being the adventure junkies that we were, Hank and I even tried our hands at cliff jumping, skydiving, and even bungee jumping off of 200-foot bridges. As time went on, we continued to push each other into increasingly ambitious and thrilling pastimes which challenged our sense of adventure and fed our testosterone-driven egos.

  For Hank, however, no thrill seemed to be enough. Not only did it seem to bother him that I was willing to accept any dare he could come up with, but he actually seemed agitated that we were running out of novel and ambitious adventures. He was always in search of the next challenge and it never seemed to satisfy him that his list of accomplishments and conquests was much longer than my own or the lists of others he encountered through his medical or business endeavors.

  Not surprisingly, Hank took an interest in aviation and began taking flying lessons. Within a relatively short period of time he completed his basic aviation training and became a certified and licensed pilot. Of course, he was not satisfied with his VFR (Visual Flight Rules) rating for long and was compelled to achieve his IFR (Instrument Flight Rules) rating as soon as possible, so he could fly limited-visibility situations and, perhaps most importantly, add proverbial inches to his dick. After all, he couldn’t let his imaginary fans down and be satisfied with entry level flight certification. How would he be able to entertain the masses without stories of successfully navigating through hurricanes and out flying tornadoes if he wasn’t instrument rated?

  Although his newest hobby represented another reason for Hank to think he was superior to me and most of his other peers, I thought his ability to fly us to more diverse destinations was super cool and looked forward to the fun we would have. Things were going well for Hank and I was happy to see he was becoming both rich in experiences and financially wealthy. It was during this period of time, however, Hank’s tendency to brag and show off really started to escalate exponentially. He was increasingly impressed with himself and he seemed to truly have a need to impress those around him. Annoyingly, Hank had realized that in order to impress people by being a doctor or a pilot, you had to work these topics into his casual conversations. I can’t even estimate how many times Hank and I would be eating at a restaurant, checking into a hotel, or even checking out at a store and he would say something to the server or clerk like, ‘Yeah, we just flew into town in my plane,’ or ‘Yeah, we’ve both got the weekend off call, so we’re going to make the most of our time away from the hospital.’ It was kind of embarrassing to me, even though others didn’t seem to understand how they were being baited into a conversation focused on Hank’s ‘awesomeness’. Oftentimes, I would just walk away or roll my eyes while he continued to interact with whatever poor individual he had hooked into a response that allowed him to expound on what an interesting and accomplished guy he was.

  Of course, it wasn’t just strangers he needed to impress. Each time we got together, he was eager to go down the list of his recent accomplishments with me and Mandy. He was definitely proud of his medical career advancements, as he had every right to be. He was good at his craft and reaped the benefits of his intelligence and leadership abilities.

  I could never begrudge him his natural talent for detecting favorable circumstances within the marketplace, in addition to the courage and drive needed to exploit such business opportunities. Within his first several years in Paris, he had established more than a few new businesses and happened upon chances to invest in several others. He definitely had a talent for parlaying one professional success into additional opportunities. For instance, after he purchased a professional building, he recognized he could replace the janitorial service with one of his own. Next, he expanded his janitorial service by underbidding the building maintenance companies used by other commercial building management companies. When his initial office building needed a new roof, he realized the city only had one other commercial roofing contractor, so he started his own roofing company and, following the completion of his own project, proceeded to aggressively pursue other contracts. Once he had several businesses in operation, he approached the landscaping company that provided their services at his home and asked if the owner would take him on as a partner if he granted contracts for his professional facilities and if he used his influence at the hospital to convince the administrator to grant the
company a contract for maintenance of the hospital grounds. Within three years, he and his partner had more lawn care and landscaping service contracts than any other company in Paris.

  In addition to having a great mind for business and being ruthless competitor, he had a great eye for management talent. This allowed him to find the right individuals to perform the day-to-day operations of his new companies, so he could continue to market and expand his anesthesia practice concurrently. Hank would eventually take over the anesthesia group that had recruited him and expand the group’s coverage to include other local and regional facilities. As a rising star within his medical community, he rapidly became well known to a large percentage of the medical service providers in Northeast Texas. His leadership and business acumen was recognized throughout the region and, due to his influence on the anesthesia and surgical services offered there, his companies became economic forces to be reckoned with.

  Each new business he engaged in seemed to lead to even more investment opportunities. As he built and expanded his collection of businesses there was always a new project he had completed or some rival business he had conquered since we’d seen him last. Of course, this always had to be the first topic covered as we caught up with each other’s lives every time we got together. Although Mandy and I were always fascinated with his endeavors and excited about his success, we felt more and more like he was becoming convinced he was the next Donald Trump and there would be no limit to the financial empire he was building.